The Post Office, that is.
Yesterday our son rang to tell us that he had been identified as a possible international terrorist, as he had been found to have sent a suspect package through the post.
Hecky thump! What had he sent?
He had attempted to send his two teenage cousins gift boxed sets of toiletries. Lynx to be precise.
The items the GPO were particularly concerned about was the deoderant. No doubt they were to create such an atmosphere of delicious sexiness that the post office workers would be put off their stride and lulled into a state of somnulent heaven!
Pressurised containers, he was solemnly informed. It was prohibited to send pressurised containers through the mail. However in this case they had decided to repackage the items and send them on.
As a mail order company we have to be aware of the 'dangerous goods' which we are not allowed to send through the post - and you can get a leaflet from the post office to help you out with this.
We think it is possible that the deoderant trauma was caused because Mike's cousins live on the Isle of Lewis - which appears to be classed as 'international' by the GPO - and you can't send pressurised containers including deoderant anywhere through the post if they are going 'international'. Deoderant is ok in the UK as long as the bottles are no more than 500ml and no more than 2 per pack.
Some of these prohibited items are common sense, you can't send ammunition, explosives, guns, clinical and medical waste and controlled drugs and narcotics.
But some things are a little more open to question, for example 'Human and animal remains (including ashes)' Are sausages classed as 'animal remains', or smoked fish? Hang on, those come under the 'perishables' section and are ok as long as they are marked 'perishable'. But what about hair or fur? However you can send live creatures, insects, invertebrates, bees and spiders as long as they are packaged correctly. So you can send as many ants and tarantulas as your heart desires - and you can send these International too!
Batteries are a bit of a minefield, if you get my meaning. Most batteries that go in toys and domestic items are ok - but not car batteries, or 'Batteries that are classified as dangerous goods', there you go then.
You can send nail varnish in the UK, but not hair dye, and no more than 150ml bottles of perfume. Oh and beware of the strength of any magnets.
So there you have it, you can send a Black Widow spider to the one you love, but not a lovely big bottle of perfume.